


Bet You Thought You’d Seen The Last Of Me (#SurpriseBitch)

by Cymbidia



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Avengers: Endgame Fix-It, Fix-It, Gen, Natasha Romanov Lives, POV Natasha Romanov, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Credits Scene, Resurrection, This Is The End Credits Scene Actually Marvel Go Suck It, Tony Stark Lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-28 23:12:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18766240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cymbidia/pseuds/Cymbidia
Summary: Endgame Fix-it. Scott Lang deages Natasha and Tony's bodies to the moment before they died.“Don’t look at me.” Tony grinned. “I woke up five minutes ago. Apparently, these geniuses just don’t know how to accept a heroic sacrifice and move on.”“Time travel,” Rhodey said with relish. “We inventedtime travel. How the hell were we supposed to give up on you after that?”Natasha looked at Scott, then at the thing they had resurrected her with.“At least I’m not a baby,” she sighed.





	Bet You Thought You’d Seen The Last Of Me (#SurpriseBitch)

**Author's Note:**

> I wasn't going to post this because I wrote it as pure wish fulfillment but I am still seething with rage several days after seeing Endgame so here it is! They literally have two and a half kinds of time travel BITSCHE someone could have saved Natasha, to say nothing of whether I agree with how Tony and Steve were written off.  
> Edit: YES I CHANGED THE TITLE SORRY COULDNT RESIST didn’t change anything else though.

Natasha came to lying on the floor of what looked to be the garage of the building formerly known as Stark Tower. There was the whirring of a machine winding down. The air smelt of ozone and some kind of burning.

Natasha opened her eyes, and immediately shut them again.

“It worked!” Scott shouted, punching the air. “I told you it would work!”

“Nat!” Clint, Steve and Bruce all exclaimed simultaneously. Clint’s well muscled arms - oh god, with that butt ugly midlife crisis tattoo Natasha had been too nice to criticize - wrapped around Natasha’s shoulders, and he began weeping into her hair.

“W-Clint?” She squinted at him. “What happened? The soul stone?”

Clint clutched her tighter. “Don’t you ever, ever do that again,” he mumbled.

“We won,” added Bruce, sounding slightly damp. “Thanos is dead.”

Natasha raised her head to look at the crowd encircling her patch of ground, and - oh. Oh.

Peter Parker was looking at her with big wet eyes, and was that - Gamora?! Sitting with a blanket around her shoulders, arms crossed and pointedly ignoring a blubbering Quill. And - Sam. Sam was there, miraculously, and Bucky and Hill and Nick Damned Fury, and all the people who had been gone in the Decimation.

“You did it,” Natasha breathed, turning her head in wonder at the assemblage. “You really did it. But - how...”

“Apparently, time travel doesn’t count as reversing the sacrifice for the soul stone,” said Nebula, her eyes as gooey as mechanically possible as she looked at Gamora. Natasha stared.

“I guess magic infinity stone bullshit has nothing on quantum physics and actual science,” said Tony, admiring his gauntlet. It was - oh. Natasha looked at Bruce’s arm, bandaged and slinged, and then at Tony, who was laid out flat on the ground beside her, fiddling with what looked like an Iron Man version of the infinity gauntlet, sans stones. Rhodey was physically sitting on Tony as Helen Cho examined the arm with the gauntlet.

“Don’t look at _me_.” Tony grinned. “I woke up five minutes ago. Apparently these geniuses just don’t know how to accept a heroic sacrifice and move on.”

“Time travel,” Rhodey said with relish. “We invented time travel. How the hell were we supposed to give up on you after that?”

Natasha looked at Scott, then at the thing they had resurrected her with.

“At least I’m not a baby,” she sighed, and pushed herself up off the ground. Clint helped her up as if she was some frail old woman. Bruce and Steve immediately crowded her like anxious mother hens, and Sam elbowed his way into the throng as well.

“You know,” said Sam, examining Natasha for dents and bumps, “I don’t see why you’re so surprised. Haven't you ever read a comic book? No famous superhero ever stays dead for long.”

“I feel like comic book logic shouldn’t really apply here,” said Steve dubiously. Then he made a face at Natasha. “But what do I know? Apparently, _my_ comics resurrected me half a dozen times before I ever got out of the ice. And the fucking Red Skull was alive in outer space as some kind of dementor guarding the soul stone, so I guess it’s really anything goes nowadays.”

Natasha stared at him. “That was the Red Skull?!” She clutched at Clint’s shoulder for stability. Clint paused in his silent manful weeping to adjust his grip. “I thought he was just a really ugly alien.”

“He had a German Accent,” Clint pointed out wetly.

“His face is literally a red skull,” said Steve, looking like he was about to rip his hair out just remembering his old nemesis. Bucky elbowed him in the ribs, and Steve doubled over. “Ow!” He protested mildly.

“Steve is very mad we had to face his old nemesis again,” said Bucky. “But we had to return the gem to the moment it was taken, or the timeline would have collapsed.”

“Doesn’t mean we had to leave the Skull intact though,” said Sam, sharing a grim smile with Steve and Bucky.

“Well,” said Natasha, “looks like our heist went off without a hitch, then.”

Sam and Bucky both shot a judgmental stare at Steve, but said nothing.

“What?” Tony demanded. “What did Cap do?!”

“He snuck off to go on a date,” Bucky said, rolling his eyes.

“Broke his vial of Pym particles in a fistfight and would have been stuck forever if we hadn’t shown up to cockblock,” Sam added, frowning sternly and trying to hide the twitching at the corner of his mouth.

“Oh?” Natasha grinned. “Was she cute?”

“The cutest,” said Bucky.

“I don’t kiss and tell,” said Steve at the same time.

“A redhead, surprisingly,” added Sam.

A hush fell over the room, and even Tony stopped trying to squirm out of Rhodey and Bruce’s grips. All eyes turned to Steve, more flabbergasted by the fact that Steve might have made eyes at a woman not surnamed Carter than they had been by time travel or miraculous resurrections.

“We were in disguise,” Steve protested, flustered. “It was the only wig she had on hand!”

Natasha ignored his excuse and leered at him. “So you’re into redheads now? Should I be concerned?”

Steve looked so scandalized by the thought that Natasha was almost offended just on principle.

“Anyway,” Steve said loudly, “that’s more or less what happened. Let’s get you two upstairs where Banner and Dr Cho can check you over properly.”

“I've been informed by the PR people that the Avengers have collectively been scheduled for an emergency press conference in twenty minutes,” interrupted FRIDAY, “there is currently an official memorial service organized by the city for Boss and Widow scheduled for tonight in Central Park, and the team want to announce the news before people start camping out for the vigil.”

Natasha groaned and flopped dramatically onto Steve and Sam. “I’m still injured,” she announced quickly. “Way too injured to face the press.”

Sam shoved back at her, while Steve ducked and dodged her entirely. Natasha cursed as she lost her balance and dropped, rolled forwards, and sprang back onto her feet.

“You don’t look injured to me,” Sam said innocently. Natasha raised her middle finger at him.

“Don’t worry, Natasha,” said a hoarse voice from the elevator. The door opened, and a red eyed Pepper Potts-Stark walked out. “No one trusts you or Tony in press conferences anymore. I'll tell them to scrap the conference and issue a press release instead.”

“Daddy!” shouted Morgan, bounding out from behind Pepper. She shot into Tony’s arms, and he caught her with an oof and a tender grin.

“Hey sweetheart,” Tony murmured. “Missed me?”

“Yeah!” Morgan said emphatically. “You were gone for _so long_! Everyone said that you were going to be gone forever, but I knew that you wouldn’t really do that! You _said_  you’d help me repaint Iron Man!”

“Stickers!” Tony yelped, picking her up and carrying her on his hip. “I said that you could put _stickers_ on Iron Man. I never said anything about paint, you hear me?”  He tweaked her nose, and Morgan giggled.

Natasha looked away as Tony leaned into Pepper's embrace, Morgan tucked securely between the two of them.

“How’s the kids?” She asked Clint, feeling wistful.

“Alive,” Clint answered, visibly choking back another crying fit.

“Good.” Natasha looked at the surrounding gaggle of superheroes, half of whom were soft and gooey eyed because they had kids or wanted kids, and half of whom were choking back traumatic responses like her because they had child-related _Issues_.

“I’m hungry,” Natasha announced. “Anyone else hungry? Lets go get some shawarma.”

Tony looked at her, exasperated and smiling. “You dont even like shawarma,” he pointed out.

“Shut up, Tony,” Natasha slung her arms around Clint and Sam’s shoulders, and started for the elevator. “We’re getting shawarma.”

The gaggle of superheroes began to pile into the elevators, but even two spacious Stark Tower elevators couldn’t fit the whole crew. Natasha threw her head back and cackled as Bruce crossed his arms and glowered, then headed towards the stairs.

“Take the stairs,” he muttered. “Take the _fucking_ stairs. You people haven’t changed one bit. Rebuild the whole thing twice and still not enough space in the elevator.”

As the pack of elated superheroes streamed out of the building, numbers bolstered by various others who had been nosing around elsewhere in Stark Tower, the semi-permanent encampment of reporters at the entrance began to stir. The gawkers and mourners and grateful well wishers there to add to the man sized pile of flowers and gifts and soft toys all started to double take and whisper at each other. The soft murmuring grew to a buzz, then to a dull roar.

“IRON MAN!” a small child shrieked.

“BLACK WIDOW!” shouted a teary eyed teen. Cameras and phones started coming out, and the amount of keymashing and hashtags and livestreams that erupted from the spot almost turned the air twitter blue. Somewhere not far away, a news helicopter lifted off and began making a beeline for Stark Tower, despite knowing perfectly well of the building’s anti-aircraft defenses.

Tony lifted off the ground, only hands and feet encased in the armor. “The rumors of our deaths have been greatly exaggerated,” he shouted over the din. No one heard him. FRIDAY connected him over some nearby speakers. “Ahem. Yes. As I was saying, the rumors of our deaths have been greatly exaggerated! For anyone who want to know what happened, too bad, we haven’t decided who to sell the story to yet. Now, please excuse us, I have some hungry superheroes to feed, and you all have some tweeting to do! Hashtag surprise bitch! Get It Trending! No! Wait! Shi- No! Don’t hashtag that! No naughty words! Hashtag listen to your mom!!! Iron Man Out!” Tony dropped to the ground and began to natter at Morgan and grovel to Pepper for swearing in front of the kid.

A crowd began to form as all passersby surged towards the assembly of heroes, but the crowd quickly reversed direction and parted like the red sea as Wanda spearheaded a path to the sidewalk. It had been a long time since Ultron and Sokovia, but people still weren’t very sure about Scarlet Witch. The mind control thing especially freaked people out worse than the power Hulk’s rage and Captain America’s disappointment combined.

A small cavalcade of minivans were waiting by the curb, all parked illegally.

Natasha snorted with disbelief. “What _is_ this, a little league tournament?”

Tony made a noise of exaggerated outrage, then began talking loudly about team spirit and bonding and unity. Steve rolled his eyes, and the old resentments from their so called civil war sublimated into petty bickering.

“You know,” Natasha said to Gamora, who had washed up out of the throng of heroes, “it’s so much more peaceful inside the soul stone.”

“Yes, but things are so much more interesting among these, ah, chucklefucks,” Gamora replied. She had finally relaxed, no longer radiating lethal intent at the pathetic man making sad puppy eyes at her.

Natasha smiled. “I guess I’m too used to this circus. I wouldn’t even know what to do alone.” That was a lie. She’d take up dancing again, like she had begun to do before Scott reappeared.

In the near distance, lightning flashed down a convenient lighting rod, and a burly blond object came hurtling at the group.

“Black Widow! Iron Man!” Thor shouted as he touched down, leaving spiderweb cracks in the cement. “You are returned to us! I’ve been told we are to party!”

The crowd around them roared as Valkyrie appeared behind him on her pegasus.

The new King of new Asgard waved from her steed, a light in her soft chocolate eyes and a crown of flowers sitting atop her glossy, braided hair. The flannel shirt and denim overalls weren't very kingly, but Valkyrie hadn’t shown any inclination for cloth of gold thus far.

Overwrought teenage girls began swooning in droves, creating stationary obstacles in the teeming crowd of gawkers.

As helicopters began to circle and mobile data speeds plummeted from the number of people attempting to broadcast the scene, Tony and Steve began to usher people into vans. Natasha jumped in the front of the nearest one and kicked the driver out. She honked the horn and revved the engine as people piled in. In that moment, she thought she hilariously resembled a PTA soccer mom. A far thing from the cold assassin that had once earned her title with endless oceans of blood.

Nevertheless, she was still Black Widow, even if that name meant different things now.

She’d come closer to death than ever before, but this was far from her first close call. You regrouped, and you counted the things important to you, and you kept going. That was what being a spy of her caliber was about. That was what being a superhero was all about. And no one could doubt how much she earned the title of superhero now, what with the heroic sacrifice and miraculous resurrection and everything.

Natasha Ivanovna Romanova grinned, and nearly ran the car up the sidewalk as she spun the car around and began threading the car through traffic like an unhinged taxi driver. In the comms unit still in her ear, she could hear Tony pleading and bargaining with the unimpressed proprietors of That One Shawarma Place. Somewhere above her, a pegasus neighed as the Asgardian King shouted for “the good mead”. Sam dived out the window and took to the skies to heckle Thor’s flying, and the whole scene descended into chaos as news vans began tailing them frantically in a low stakes car chase.

The chaos was better than oblivion, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Scott learns how to make pym particles and Steve spends weekends being Peggy's side piece, in a fun way that doesn't destroy both their character arcs. He occasionally goes back in time just to get some bananas. As we all know, Steve and Bucky hate modern bananas. Tony retires from active battles but not from anything else, and lives in domestic bliss with Pepper and Morgan and his two kind of sons. Natasha takes up a new face and a new identity on the down low and gets back into both being a ballerina and a superspy, also becoming the person in charge of running the extended team/family. Thor I cant really do anything about. Yeah him running off to space would destroy his previous character arc but I guess...he could just. Let Valkyrie be king and he becomes like. Heimdall 2.0? SOME kind of responsibility to his People which is the whole point of thor 1-3.  
> and uh im like. sorry. but Hawkeye is like. man, he had two good/neutral appearances and everything else since has been character assassination. I'm so sorry Clint. I can't pull anything out of my ass for you that doesn't fridge the fam. Bruce's thing with integrating with the Hulk was a good direction for the character but boo for not showing any of it??? Bruce gets a TV series showing how he achieved that self actualization and goes on to do doctors without borders shit with a good team and a lot of funding and one day he even goes back to Academia for a few years and teaches some classes and mentors a couple of grad students. That's my headcanon for what happens to the OG six and reality will never take it away from me.


End file.
